I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
