i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
