dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
