you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
