Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
