I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
