I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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