Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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