Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize