he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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