I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
