He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
