woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
