i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
