Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
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My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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