i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
