She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
