i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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