I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
