Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You can't special order awesome
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
