I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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