We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
