remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
