I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
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