Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
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You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
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Come share oat with me in your robe
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle