I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
