Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
