worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
