About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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