Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
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