It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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