Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
