carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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