It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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