lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
