Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
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Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
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Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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