I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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