Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
