I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
