woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
