I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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