don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
