Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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