I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
What drink are we having for lunch?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
