Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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