Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
