only if we run a train.
done.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
