Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
