Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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