I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
