Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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