Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
