So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
