I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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