I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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