saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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