The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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