What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The ass gains better be worth it
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