someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
