yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
so let's talk penis.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
