Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
